Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
