I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
