I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
