My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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