Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
