i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
