So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
