I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
