JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
