I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
