it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
