we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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