i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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