her vagine was all disorganized.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
