p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
