some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
