She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
