I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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