have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
