my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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