i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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