Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
are you so shy because you have an std?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
