Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
