do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
