Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
