Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
