Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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