After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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