so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
