I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
