Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
