wat bout pragnant strippers??
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
