True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
