My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
