i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
