omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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