Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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