yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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