so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
should my penis look like a turkey
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Ladies don't puke and tell
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
