we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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