i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
