Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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