My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
