If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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