I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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