dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
