**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
