I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
