His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
