P.S. I can't hear my feet
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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