come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
