I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm at about main and main street
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Randomize
