i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
