So drunk its hurt
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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