He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize