ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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