um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
it's like iHOP with fire
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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