I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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