DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
