I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
