is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
