Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
