I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize