Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
