is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize