im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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