Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
