Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
